Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in kingsambassador's LiveJournal:

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Monday, September 18th, 2006
8:44 pm	"There is an ethical problem at the root of our philosophical difficulties; for men are most anxious to find truth, but very reluctant to accept it. We do not like to be cornered by rational evidence, and even when truth is there, in its impersonal and commanding objectivity, our greatest difficulty still remains; it is for me to bow to it in spite of the fact that it is not exclusively mine, for you to accept it though it cannot be exclusively yours. In short, finding out truth is not so hard; what is hard is not to run away from truth once we have found it. When it is not a 'yes but', our 'yes' is often enough a 'yes, and…'; it applies much less to what we have just been told than to what we are about to say. The greatest among philosophers are those who do not flinch in the presence of truth, but welcome it with the simple words: yes, Amen." Étienne Gilson, The Unity of Philosophical Experience (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1999), 49. Current Mood: brainy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
12:35 pm	A much-needed update Hello, friends!  I must appolgize for seemingly never writing on here, but in all fairness, things have been a bit crazy in the last month!  As most of you know, Matthew and I moved to North Carolina so that Matt can attend Southern Evangelical Seminary to pursue his Master of Divinity degree.  We have a beautiful new apartment here (a spacious two-bedroom, two-bath!), and the neighborhood is great.  I am currently working at Nordstrom in the same department that I used to work in the NoVa store, though here, the store (and consequently the department) is much smaller than the Nordstrom at home.  It seems to be working out, however, because there are only three sales employees, including me; this means that sometimes I'm the only person out on the floor -- which means then I get to soak up all the commissions.  :-)  As far as me pursuing a degree at the seminary as well, I haven't quite decided, but I'm leaning toward not -- and here's why.  Currently I am taking classes at the Seminary Church's Institue for Biblical Studies (yeah, the acronym is IBS... oy), which is tuition free, and simmilar to some of the seminary classes offered.  If I complete two years of these classes, I can earn a certificate of Biblical Studies, so that sounds more my speed about now.  I think that me trying to pursue a masters degree at the same time as Matt might be a little stressful for our marriage sanity.  As it is, I find that it is a tight-rope-walk to work a retail job and manage our home and cultivate a loving Christian marriage!  My main reason for wanting to take seminary classes is so that I can grow in the knowledge that the institution has to offer -- but if I can do that tuition-free, and on Sundays (my regular day off)... well, that sounds a little more do-able than the very difficult grad classes that conflict with my working.  The IBS classes are a little watered-down (not as much detail as the true seminary classes) during class time, but the professors made it clear that they are available any time to discuss things in greater depth.  Horray for SBC-like profs!  :-)  And "watered-down" isn't too impotent -- afterall, most of the texts are from Dr. Geisler.  :-P  I don't think that man is ever watered down!  But more about him, and other aspects of the seminary in another update. For now, I'm sending you all a big XO from North Carolina, with a "don't worry!  I shall write more soon!" attached.  :-)   Blessings!  Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 19th, 2006
12:36 am	I love married dates.  ;-) (Comment on this)
Monday, June 5th, 2006
5:05 pm	Code Fever Here's the thing.  I don't have a problem with exciting mystery novels and suspense thrillers that might want to use Christian history.  However, I do have a problem with The DaVinci Code, which claims "truths" about Christian history which are blatant and outright falsehoods.   Now wait just a minute, you might say -- The DaVinci Code is marketed as fiction, right?  Right.  Or is it?  Author Dan Brown apparently doesn't think of it as fiction: I began as a sceptic.  As I started researching Da Vinci Code I really thought I would disprove a lot of this theory about Mary Magdalene and holy blood and all of that.  I became a believer.  --- Dan Brown, in a National Geographic television interview, aired July 17, 2005 Ah, so here we have a cunundrum!  A novel that is labled as fiction, found in the fiction sections of the bookstores, and yet -- the author himself believes its contents to be... wait --- true?!  What?  Did he just forget to put the "Based on a True Story" line at the bottom of the cover??  Hmmm... seems like we have a bit of a problem here.   Does nice Mr. Brown just want to confuse us?  Why the confusion? Well my friends, unfortunately, it all boils down to good ole' fashioned ignorance.  Ignorance on the part of Brown as the author, and ignorance on the part of his massive audiences.  Ignorance of what, exactly??  The history of Christianity.  Let's take a look at some examples. The DaVinci Code claims that over 80 gospels were considered for the New Testament, which were collected by Constantine.  Several problems with this: Constantine was not involved in this process at all, for one.  Two, there was near universal acceptance of the four cannonical Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) by the second century, and none of the non-cannonical gospels were even close to the accepted four in their date of composition, magnitude of distribution, or proportion of acceptance.  And regarding the Nag Hammadi scrolls that Brown mentions, those were not even around when scriptural cannon was formed.  Why didn't early Christians accept these "other" gospels??  Probably because they were laughably outrageous.  The infamous "gospel of Thomas" ends with Jesus maintaining that women must "become male" in order to obtain salvation.  Riiiight.  (Notice Brown didn't include this 'gospel' -- it wouldn't have fit with the whole "seeking after a feminine divine" thing.) The DaVinci Code also references the "Q" gospel, which Brown maintains as a 'book of Jesus' that was potentially written in His own hand.  This one hit home particularly because I remember a certain SBC professor claiming its possibility.  Sadly for her, (and Brown) there is not a single scrap of evidence anywhere in the world that can even suggest a "Q" gospel.  People claim its existence based on textual simmilarities between the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, which they assume means that Matthew and Luke got their ideas from a previously existing manuscript.  Here's a thought:  perhaps Matthew and Luke had simmilar stories because they were writing accounts of oh, I don't know... um.... the same stuff.    Oh now here's a funny one.  This one may just take the cake for obvious stupidity.  The DaVinci Code claims that the Vatican tried to cover up the release of the Dead Sea Scrolls because they contained damaging information about Jesus (and in the book, the Evil Catholic Church wants to keep humanity in the dark, remember...).  But here's the thing.  The Dead Sea Scrolls are (in reality) Old Testament manuscripts... i.e. stuff that's in the Jewish Torah.  Um... the Old Testament doesn't mention Jesus (outside of Messianic prophesy).  Yeah.  Perhaps the most damaging of The DaVinci Code's assertions is that of Christ's supposed lack of divinity.  Here's were it gets more complicated.  If you personally are struggling with Jesus being divine, then that's a whole other LJ article (and I'd be glad to discuss that with you).  But with regards to Brown's claims that many of the early Church Fathers wrestled with this question, again, he's just plain wrong.  In the novel, Brown writes that at the Council of Nicea, "many aspects of Christianity were debated and voted upon - the date of Easter, the role of the bishops, the administration of sacraments, and, of course, the divinity of Jesus . . . until that moment in history, Jesus was viewed by His followers as a mortal prophet . . . a great and powerful man, but a man nonetheless. A mortal" (253).  Um... not quite.  Only two out of 300 bishops at the Council of Nicea voted against the affirmation of Christ's divinity.  It's not like this was a close call, as Brown submits: " 'Jesus' establishment as 'the Son of God' was officially proposed and voted on by the Council of Nicea.' 'Hold on.  You're saying Jesus' divinity was the result of a vote?' 'A relatively close vote, at that...'" (253). 298 to 2 is a close vote??!  It's just laughable.    Perhaps the most famous of DaVinci's claims is that of Jesus being married to Mary Magdelene.  Brown maintains that "Jesus as a married man makes infinitely more sense than our standard biblical view of Jesus as a bachelor…Because Jesus was a Jew…the social decorum during that time virtually forbid a Jewish man to be unmarried. According to Jewish custom, celibacy was condemned, and the obligation for a Jewish father was to find a suitable wife for his son. If Jesus were not married, at least one of the Bible's gospels would have mentioned it and offered some explanation for His unnatural state of bachelorhood" (245).  However, here's where Brown is wrong again.  Jesus living a celibate life would not have been considered an "unnatural state" for him, because in the Jewish culture of Jesus' time, prophetic figures (such as John the Baptist, Jeremiah, Banus, etc) were accepted as embracing celibacy.  There is no doubt that the historical Jesus was considered a "prophetic figure" in the least, therby allowing his celibacy to be acceptable.  Plus, Brown is commiting a classic philosophical fallacy: one cannot affirm something simply because it is not specifically denied (i.e. we cannot affirm that Jesus was married simply because the cannonical Gospels do not specifically deny that he was married).  That would be the same as me saying that Matt went skydiving on Friday, simply because he didn't mention anything to the contrary.  Obviously, we can see how this argument would fail.  I can't assume something happened simply because it wasn't outwardly denied.  I could go on and on.  Honestly, this would make a fun paper.  But what it all boils down to is this:  thinly veiled as a fictional story, Brown parades his highly ignorant and ill-researched theory (which he now believes to be true) throughout the pages of his novel, planting blatant heresies and seeds of doubt into the minds of uninformed and woefully uneducated Christians and non-believers alike.  It both saddens and frightens me.  How on earth do people believe -- or even consider believing -- any of these claims?!  We believe something because it is true.  So the only reason to believe something that is not true is to be ignorant of the truth (you unintentionally choose a falsehood), or else you choose to not accept reality (you intentionally choose a falsehood).   The other issue here, too, is the subject matter.  Can you imagine if someone wrote a "fictional" book that totally blasphemed and bashed say, the Black community?  Or what if somone wrote a fictional book that slammed the Jews?!  There would be a societal uproar!  But for some reason, our society thinks its ok to hail a fictional book that trashes Christians (and particularly the Catholic Church).  Let's smear the Name of Jesus and make a movie about it!  Ugh.  Personally, I feel angered by this because I am a Christian.  A news show I was watching the other day interviewed a guy from a Catholic defense league (I forget the official name).  The Catholic guy was severely offended (and rightfully so) by The DaVinci Code book and movie.  The news anchor challenged him on this and said, "but, come on now -- I mean, it is afterall just a fiction novel.  Why be so upset?"  The Catholic guy responded well, I thought, with this: "Well, Neil, what if I wrote a fictional book that completely defamed and disgraced your mom.  I mean, what if I wrote some horrible lies about her, and then told you not to be upset -- because afterall, it's just fiction.  How would you feel about that?"  Our friendly news anchor admitted it was a fair argument.  And it's true.  The DaVinci Code is offensive to me as a Christian because it completely slanders my God.  That's a lot worse that slamming my momma.  So my friends, take this seriously!  Use your heads!  Learn your stuff!  Be informed and educated.  And don't just believe any JoSchmo to write a book.  And to steal a line from The DaVinci Code movie previews:  SEEK THE TRUTH.  Heh.  Seriously.   "If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will come to believe it."  --- Joseph Goebbels, Adolph Hitler's minister of propaganda   Current Mood: reved up! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
12:01 am	Team Barclay! I have the Best Husband in the World.  It's true!  He's incredible and amazing and inspiring all at the same time.  *sigh*  Oh, and did I mention that he's brilliant?  (And, that a brilliant husband is a sexy husband?!)  :-P So.  I'd like to announce, without further ado, that my scholarly Matthew has been accepted into Southern Evangelical Seminary in Matthews, North Carolina!!!!  He is now officially a Master of Divinity student.  His focus will be in Christian Apologetics.  Woo!  I am SO proud of him!!  He did an amazing job on the application, but more importantly, he is a beautiful example of a Man who keeps his life facedown before the Lord.  I have no doubt that God will continue to mold and shape him into an awe-inspiring Pastor.  I am so blessed to be married to a man whom God has chosen to lead His people.  I am not worthy of such a gift.  It is a miracle that God brought us together.  Some other exciting news: My amazing husband has inspired me to join him at Southern to pursue a Master's degree as well.  :-) There are several reasons for this decision.  First, SES offers a spousal discount, so I can get a degree for half the cost!  Way cool.  Second, though more important than the discount, I have realized (sadly) that there are too few seriously educated Christian women.  Too many ministries aimed at Christian women are merely feel-good, Oprah-spin-offs of the scriptures and frankly, it sucks.  I want to change this.  This hurting world needs Christian women who can think, women who can reason, and women who can be influencers for the Truth.  Too many of the current books/bible studies/ministries aimed at women fall into one of two categories:  1) The Fluff (characterized by things like "how does this passage make you feel?" and a frightening self-help feel to bible studies)  2) The Un-ed-u-mah-cated Preaching (characterized by uneducated interpretations of the scriptures, which lead to teaching sounding like, "well, I think that..." Scary. Ladies, let's not just think we know. Let's Know!) I don't want to be a fuzzy-wuzzy Preacher's wife.  This world has too many of them.  Just because I'm married to a called Man, doesn't mean I'm restricted to Children's ministry and Music (and not that these aren't important, because they most definitely are -- I just don't want to be confined to them -- or rather, a wishy-washy take on them).  I want to be a strong servant-leader... a co-pilot with my husband.  Team Barclay!  When Matt proposed to me, he said, "Kristin, I want us to spend the rest of our lives together, serving God, and serving each other."  Well... Amen!  (Did I mention he's brilliant...?)    I want to influence others for the Truth.  I want to bring people into the Light.  And I want to know my stuff so I can teach others!  If there's anything I took away from Sweet Briar, it is that women can be strong.  And when we put that under God, well, hoo-ah!  I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!  I can be strong, and gentle (there is real strength in humility).  I can study and defend the Faith, and I can also be a quiet hostess and take pleasure in cooking.  Just because I want to pursue higher Christian education doesn't mean that I sacrifice my feminity.  Most importantly, however, I can be a light in a dark world.  So.  I'm going to pursue a Masters in either Apologetics or Biblical Studies.  I want to be best equipped to answer the tough questions, calm the stormiest anxieties, and comfort the worst pains.  And through this -- this combination of head and heart -- not just knowledge, but wisdom -- I hope and pray that I can effectively bring the Gospel to the Lost.  "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes..."  Paul, to the Romans, 1:16. Go Paul.  Anyhow!  *smiles*  Check out the following if you'd like a taste of where Matthew and I will be spending the next several years of our lives: www.ses.edu  (check out the video) www.souldevice.org http://ircontent.blogspot.com/ www.normgeisler.com Current Mood: empowered (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
3:38 pm	What If by Nichole Nordeman For a friend who thinks this Jesus stuff is nuts. What if you're right? And he was just another nice guy What if you're right? What if it's true? They say the cross will only make a fool of you And what if it's true? What if he takes his place in history With all the prophets and the kings Who taught us love and came in peace But then the story ends What then? But what if you're wrong? What if there's more? What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for? What if you jump? And just close your eyes? What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise? What if He's more than enough? What if it's love? What if you dig Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends What if you dig? What if you find A thousand more unanswered questions down inside That's all you find? What if you pick apart the logic And begin to poke the holes What if the crown of thorns is no more Than folklore that must be told and retold? chorus You've been running as fast as you can You've been looking for a place you can land for so long But what if you're wrong? Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
Monday, April 10th, 2006
10:48 pm	Adventures in Substitute Teaching Just for fun, I thought I'd indulge you all in some of my favorite (and somtimes that's used sarcastically) moments from my job as a substitute teacher in Northern Virginia.  1.  Adventures in First Grade:  While handing out cupcakes for Isabella's birthday (she was turning 7), I approached one little boy who was sitting at his desk without a birthday treat.  "Did I not give you a cupcake, sir?"  I asked him.  "Yes, you did," he replied.  "...And... did you eat it already??!" "Oh no not yet.  I put it in my backpack." 2.  Adventures in Kindergarten PE:  During a rousing game of Duck-Duck-Goose, Issac couldn't keep his hands off the volleyball nets, which were set up for the older kids' classes.  "Issac, you need to stop touching the nets," I said.  One minute later:  "Issac, I asked you to stop touching the net -- do you understand what I'm asking you?" (he nods yes).  Another minute later:  "Issac!  Stop touching the volleyball net!  Listen to me -- this is your warning.  If I have to tell you to stop touchng the net one more time, I'm going to put you in a time out.  Do you understand me?" (he nods yes).  Another minute later:  Issac is still touching the net.  "Issac!  All right.  That's enough.  You're going to sit in a time out over here.  Let's go." Issac:  "Buuttt...!  That's NOT FAIRRRR!!!!"  3.  Adventures in High School Biology:  (I know, this could have been really bad.)  I walked into the classroom at the end of the day, to cover for the sub who needed to leave early.  I walked across the front of the room to the teacher's desk.  Half the students yelled out, "Hey look!  A new student!" Current Mood: giggly (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 7th, 2006
5:10 pm	Cut the Crap and Study! So yesterday I subbed as a Middle School Band teacher. Yes, you have permission to feel sorry for me. Actually, it wasn't all that bad -- I just had to keep the talking level to a minimum (riiiight) and have the kids watch a band video. But this adventure isn't the one I'd like to write about. I was scheduled to sub for the high school band director, Mr. Holder. However, when I reported to the class, his assistant director explained that he'd handle the first two classes, and asked me if I could go stand in for the middle school band director, Mr. Bean (who called in sick right before school started). Mildly frightened, I reported to the MS Band room, and stood in for first and third period. For fifth period, I was to report back to the HS Band room, to stand in for my original assignment, Mr. Holder. But oddly enough, at the end of third period, a tall-ish, nicely dressed, rather prim woman (we’ll call her Mrs. Sub) walked into class and said (in a proper British accent), "Hullo, I'm here to sub for Mr. Bean today." This of course was a little perplexing, because Mr. Bean only has a first and third period, and I had already covered both. I explained to her the situation, and she proceeded to rant about how that particular high school is always highly disorganized, and "oh, why to I bother?! Why do I do this? Certainly not for the money!" (Never mind that I DO do this for the money... oy.) She then proceeded to tell me about various things, including her mid-life career change, and how she moved here from CA along with her ex-husband, and how they have a teenage son but she still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, and she's thinking about moving to North Carolina, etc. I managed to get in that my husband and I are looking into moving to North Carolina as well, and the rest of the conversation went something like the following: ( conversation with Mrs. Sub ) And so there I was. A ministry opportunity right in front of me and I failed miserably! I was completely taken aback by this woman who I didn't know at all. She left me absolutely speechless. Me, who wants to be able to engage in apologetic discussion! Man. I scored an "F-" on this assignment. Instead of asking questions and encouraging her to think, I let her intimidate me into silence. There are a thousand better ways I could have handled this conversation. For example, when she said, "You can't just be Christian -- you have to be something within that, right?," I should have responded with "well, do you?" And when she said, "Oh so you're a fundamentalist?" I should have said, "well, what do you mean by 'fundamentalist?'" From there, maybe THEN I'd have a chance at explaining things a little bit. My ultimate shock came when she proceeded to inform me that I needed to "research my religion" a little more. Aside from making me angry (because I have and continue to research my Christian faith), I was shocked by her assumptions (though maybe I shouldn't be!). How arrogant of her to assume that she knows about Christianity! From her questions, it was obvious that her knowledge of the faith comes from pop culture truths and local news headlines. I doubt very much that her meaning of "fundamentalist" was "one who adheres to the fundamental Truths of the Christian faith" (in that sense, I absolutely am a fundamentalist... but then again, that means that every Christian should be one, too). Just a guess, but what she meant by "fundamentalist" was a knocking-on-your-door-at-8:00-on-a-Saturday-morning-telling-you-you're-going-to-hell kind of Christian, or maybe even one of the God Hates Fags "Christians." People like her (and *hiss!* I'm going to make a stereotype) just drive me nuts -- a perfect example of one of the thousands of non-thinking, non-rational, go-with-what-my-TV-tells-me Americans that we interact with on a daily basis. Has she stopped to think about why she assumes Christians have to be sub-grouped into denominations? Has she considered that "Protestant" is usually synonymous with Reformed theology, and therefore distinct from Baptist theology? Does she know what she means by "fundamentalist"?? Does she even want to think?! We are such a boarish culture of theological sloths; people who build their notions of faith based on shifty news stories, hearsay, and cult practices. These are the people who think Mormons are Christians; who think that Baptists are by definition Hateful; who think that Catholics worship statues. I'm not saying that these people are stupid. They are merely ignorant -- and that is not the same thing. Ignorance can be overcome. But it takes time, and dedication, and desire! So I suppose that mostly, these people are just lazy. They are content to possess a small handful of "knowledge" based on half-truths, rumors, and opinions based on opinion. How enlightened might our culture be if we just cut the crap, and sit up and study the Faith?!? The irony is that I say all of this here -- on LJ -- and I wasn't able to convey ANY truth to this poor misinformed and woefully ignorant woman. As my amazingly insightful husband told me, "we don't always bat 1000 in evangelism." Further evidence that I need even more of God! Back to the studies. :-) Current Mood: contemplative (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 9th, 2006
12:47 pm	Scary Quote of the Day "There are only two possibilities as to how life arose; one is spontaneous generation arising to evolution, the other is a supernatural creative act of God, there is no third possibility. Spontaneous generation that life arose from non-living matter was scientifically disproved 120 years ago by Louis Pasteur and others. That leaves us with only one possible conclusion, that life arose as a creative act of God. I will not accept that philosophically because I do not want to believe in God, therefore I choose to believe in that which I know is scientifically impossible." --- Dr. George Wald, Professor Emeritus of Biology at the University at Harvard, Nobel Prize winner in Biology Current Mood: contemplative (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
10:15 pm	For the Skeptic As you all know, there are about a million and one sites out there claiming to explain Christianity. Unfortunately, so many of them are faulty in numerous ways, and most of them fail to adequetly explain basic Christian doctrine. But there's some good news. If you are questioning, thinking, wondering, searching, etc -- take some time out of your schedule and give the following two sites some serious consideration. Afterall, what have you to lose? http://www.souldevice.org/fornonchristians.html http://www.souldevice.org/main_menu.html And of course, I'm always open to talking. Keep in mind, however, that I'm not as learned as the guy with those sites! But I'll do the best I can. Current Mood: peaceful (Comment on this)
3:54 pm	Peeeeeps I'm eating way too many of them... *guilty smile* Matt bought me a package of the purple chick ones two days ago... and I only have three left! I'm a hopeless Peeps addict. :-P Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Friday, March 3rd, 2006
9:42 pm	The Happy Newlyweds I'm learning how to post pictures into LJ, so I thought I'd start with a "normal" non-wedding-ceremony picture of my handsome groom and I. :-) This is Matt and me at Fairfax Ice Arena, during a skating trip with the Youth of our church. Matt and I had to sit out the skating because of his poor fractured ankle, but we had a lovely time snuggling amidst the blustery air! He did promise, however, that once he's fully functioning on his ankle, the two of us will go ice skating. Heehe, aren't we cute?! Glasses and all... *sigh* this Nerd is madly in Love with her Geek. ;-) Current Mood: cheerful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 27th, 2006
9:22 pm	Per Request Guilt What is yours? Explain yourself Culinary: Chocolate Chip Cookies... soft baked... and warm. Honestly, I had to ask Matt to help me not eat the whole batch I had just made... haaha... Literary: Hmm... lately there has been mild feelings of "guilt" over reading books and other media with extreme Charismatic leanings. Well... part of me thinks that the 'charasmatic stuff' is nonsense, and so I feel guilty (only sometimes, though) indulging in the possibilities that it offers. However, I mostly view it as spiritual enrichment. It's important to read differing viewpoints. Audiovisual: Matt's and my wedding pictures!! Yeah... I don't want to be vain about us, but... well... we look so beautiful!! Heehe. Musical: I wouldn't say that I feel guilty about this, but this Christian woman still likes some of her worldly music...! I was listening to John Mayer the other day, and though his love songs can hardly come close to describing Real Love, I still love the lazy-summer-day-with-the-breeze-in-your-hair feel of his compositions. Celebrity: Honest truth here -- I've lost all interest in celebrities and their appearences and actions. Mostly, the super-market headlines just make me sad. I see those poor people with a new set of eyes: no longer are they "hot or not," but Lost and Wandering. It hurts to see them. Now I tag:- sharptenor musiclover19 saraporah darknesshining and taquito_of_doom to complete this same Quiz, Its HERE. Current Mood: peaceful (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
10:45 pm	On Biblical Womanhood Now here's a topic that has left me perpetually confused for a good long while now. I'm not sure exactly what is involved in being a woman of God. Really! Now, that's not to say that I haven't got a clue; I know several things with absolute certainty. However, what I know seems to be in the category of "what it means to be a Christian" -- man or woman. But what about those things that are womanhood, in the truest Christian sense? Within the brand of Christianity, what has God created -- specifically for Woman to be? I have several books on the subject -- and yes, that includes the Bible. But with this particular topic, I feel like I'm out at sea: alone and flailing about. There are SO many interpretations when it comes to the passages on womanhood that I'm left with even more questions and no answers. And the other books? Their opinions are as varied as snowflakes. One book I have claims that "women [have] gravitated more into a man's world in the name of equality and freedom than men [have] entered into their world. In the search for equality women lost their own identity and their identity in Christ. [And here's the part that bothers me:] We were never meant to be equal. We were meant to be unique." *wince* (plus, I think that might be bad theology...) Another book I have suggests for women, "Skills to polish can be selected in cooking, sewing, needle crafts, arts and crafts, home decorating, gardening, grooming or child care." Kinda hard to swallow for this Women's-Liberal-Arts-Education girl. My school would consider that kind of thing "opression." And now here's the kicker: I naturally like cooking, arts and crafts, and home decorating. And I feel that my greatest call is to being a wife and mother. However, I can't sew (though I would really like to learn). And needle crafts kinda bore me. And why, may I ask, is the list constrained to these particular hobbies? What happens if a woman -- and better yet -- a Christian woman -- enjoys mountain biking? Or hunting? And where is refining needle-craft skills suggested in scripture?! Does "keeping busy in the home" from Titus have to mean cross stitching?? In another direction, I have a book that says: "It is nearing the sixth day, the end of the Creator's great labor, as Adam steps forth, the image of God, the triumph of his work. He alone is pronounced the son of God. Nothing in creation even comes close... Truly, the masterpiece seems complete. And yet, the Master says that something is not good, not right. Something is missing, and that something is Eve... She is the crescendo [more like the end of the crescendo -- heehe], the final astonishing work of God. Woman. in one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch... Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God's final touch, his piece de resistance." Not really the same tune. I'm confused. I don't know what to think. Are my natural leanings and instincts (toward a more domestic life) God's call for Woman? Or are they just His call for this woman? Show me, Father -- what is your Woman? Who is she? What is her role in your Plans? Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
10:48 pm	Abscence makes the heart grow... larger?? Readers beware, this one is mushy! I've taken to wearing his fleece pajama shirt. *sigh* My heart has been ripped out of my chest this week. My Beloved has flown to New Mexico on a business trip, and my whole self -- body, mind, and soul, cries without him. It is a slow, painful, and constant torture. As close as Matt and I were through our dating relationship, and then our engagement, nothing can compare to our married love. It truly is other-worldly; only God could have created such a state of pure beauty! The bond between us has the mark of a covenant with our Creator, and let me tell ya -- I can feel it. We are One. There is a strength between us that is indescribable. And yet, My Other Half, my Best Friend, my most Cherished Gift -- is a billion miles away. All because of a stupid job. :-/ Monday I cried like a newborn babe. Heh. And what's worse -- I feel as though no one understands this kind of pain. Even the ladies at church just laugh and say, "Awwe, that's cute. You'll get over that in 20 years. I look forward to when my husband leaves on business!" And I think, I hope I never tire of missing my husband when he's away! I hope I always hate his abscences! I hope we'll blossom into mushy-lovey little old people! Tuesday I cried still, though a little less than Monday. The idea of not being able to kiss him or be held by him until Saturday made me bawl almost instantaneously. Today has been more of a victory. It's still unwholsomely painful, but today at least I feel functional. I could never have imagined loving someone so intensely before I met Matthew. My love for my husband takes the air out of my lungs! And God's miracle in all of this: Matthew loves me as much as I love him! It is joy that I will never fully be able to put into words. Our love is proof of God's love for us; our relationship strengthens my faith, simply because of the depth of our love could only come from the One who is Love. Married Love is something that only God, in His infinite wisdom, power, and grace, could create. Marriage, I think (in its rightful form) is second only to Jesus, when it comes to God's gifts to His people! Yesterday, since I didn't have to substitue until the afternoon, I slept in until 9am. Right before I woke up, I heard the most beautiful music being played; I couldn't determine if it was in my mind or my ears, or both, but it was a soft piano, with light guitar, and sweetly melodious. Then came a beautiful voice... and I realized... it was Matt!! My musical-genius-techie-husband had 'hacked' into our home computer from New Mexico, and managed to get iTunes to start playing the song he composed and recorded for me as our wedding present! And on top of that, he had opened a Word document and wrote, "It's 9:15 your time and I just wanted you to know that... I LOVE YOU" (which was repeated, in big bold red letters, several times). A minute later the phone rang, and he said to me, "I know I'm all the way out here, but I still wanted you to wake up to the sound of my voice." What did I do? Cried like a baby... heh... again. How beautifully sweet and wonderful is he?! I LOVE MY HUSBAND. Heehe. Sorry ladies... I took the best one off the market; everything else is gonna have to be second-best from here on out! :-P Current Mood: painfully in love (Comment on this)
5:23 pm	Breathing the Breath by Matt Redman We have nothing to give That didn't first come from Your hands We have nothing to offer You Which You did not provide Every good, perfect gift comes from Your kind and gracious heart And all we do is give back to You What always has been Yours Lord, we're breathing the breath That You gave us to breath To worship You, to worship You And we're singing these songs With the very same breath To worship You, to worship You Who has given to You That it should be paid back to him? Who has given to You As if You needed anything? From You, and to You, and through You Come all things, O Lord And all we do is give back to You What always has been Yours We are breathing the breath That You gave us to breathe... Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
11:47 am	So today I begin the job of substitute teaching. I have my first assignment (and a little one, at that: 1-3:30) at a nearby elementary school. I'm a little nervous, but glad to get my feet wet. I've been so anxious about starting to work again. Last week, I was freaking out about it. But, knowing I have to bring in some income, and that I am a capable individual, I took my first jobs for this week, and wrote them in on my daily calendar. And staring at me, in big bold script on the opposite side of the weekly calendar page was scripture from Judges 4:14: Go, the Lord is leading you. Heh -- thanks, God... I needed that. Current Mood: a little nervous, but excited (Comment on this)
Monday, February 20th, 2006
9:31 pm	"Ducking the Issue" When does an old friendship just get ... old? By Jeanne Marie Laskas Sunday, January 29, 2006, Washington Post Magazine; Page W31 I'm sitting here in Marie's kitchen, visiting, catching up, and I've already decided not to bother telling her about the baby ducks living in my kitchen. Because she'll just go off again. She'll laugh and get excited and start expounding upon all the ways in which our lives have turned out so differently, ever since college, when we were the kind of friends who spent so much time together people thought of us as a unit. Now we live five hours apart. She lives in a fancy suburb with big stone homes and towering oaks and crawling ivy, and in her house she has exactly one toy poodle. I live on a farm on the side of a muddy hill where one of my real worries is whether we'll have enough hay this winter to feed so many animals I've lost count. Both Marie and her husband have big jobs in the business world doing work I so fundamentally don't understand that I don't quite believe these jobs exist. Marie has it in her mind that my work is some kind of exotic adventure, which I am always trying to explain isn't true. More and more it seems we have less and less in common. If I tell her about the ducks it will only seem more so. And if it becomes too much more so, maybe this friendship, like any friendship with too few intersection points, is doomed. The baby ducks, anyway, are temporary. As soon as they grow in their feathers, I'll put them out in the cold. These ducks came to us via the eggs my husband picked up in the back yard from our big ducks. He thought it was amazing to imagine a duckling coming out of one of those things. He bought an incubator and turned the eggs four times a day, as directed. When the first one hatched he felt proud and incredulous. "You could have been an omelet!" he said to it, "but instead you're a duck." When the second one hatched we both thought: cute. A pair. Then when ducks 3 through 5 came I started getting testy. I was frank when I said it was stupid to hatch ducks in the winter when you can't put them outside. He agreed, and then from the basement we brought up a big plastic tub, which is normally reserved for storing Christmas ornaments but is now a duck house. As soon as the ducks get their feathers, we'll be able to put our Christmas stuff away. See, everything is backed up. Sometimes I feel as if my life is nothing but a ball of backed-up chaos. Everywhere I turn, there is chaos, and now even my husband is joining in the fun of making it thus. Could Marie possibly understand? Her house is big and airy, and has a utility room so everything is organized and neat. This is kind of hilarious to think about because in college Marie was such a slob her boyfriend and I staged an intervention. We locked her in the apartment and taught her the value of cleaning and picking up. Her boyfriend turned into her husband, Pat, and to this day he marvels at the long-term effectiveness of our good work. Pat is making steak over flames on the super-huge grill in their kitchen under a fan that has extra sucking power for times like these. The smoke is prodigious. Pat makes the point that he has never tried this with actual wood burning under the meat, but that he soaked the wood just as the directions said. We are starting to cough from the smoke. The smoke alarm goes off, a loud siren coming from upstairs and down. Marie runs to phone the on-call alarm company to alert them that no, we will not actually be needing a firetruck. The phone lines are dead. One line had been kind of scratchy all day, and now it's out, and so is the other one. Pat grabs the cell phone to call the alarm company, but the number is not programmed into the cell phone; why would it be? Everyone is scrambling with phone books. The only place with cell phone coverage is outside, so Pat is in the driveway in his socks waiting for Marie to yell out the number, but it is taking so long that he dials 911 to tell them not to come if they get a call from the alarm company, which they haven't-- because all the phone lines, which would have triggered such a call were, of course, dead. Soon the firetrucks arrive. Apparently the 911 call to cancel the emergency somehow had the reverse effect -- or maybe Pat hit "send" on his cell phone an extra time and inadvertently called 911 again -- no one is quite sure. The police chief, who was in the neighborhood and heard the call on the radio, arrives, and we're all outside trying to explain and trying not to blame whoever it was who did not, repeat, did not turn on the extra sucking power feature of that kitchen exhaust fan. "Stuff like this always happens to me," Marie says. "Chaos follows me. Have you ever noticed that?" I pat her on the head. She is several inches shorter than I am. I tell her how I always feel so at home at her house. "You know, I have five ducks living in my kitchen," I say, and then, like always, end up telling her everything. Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 16th, 2006
10:32 am	New Day, New Outlook Well, despite my rant for yesterday, I think I'll be ok afterall. I do need to work right now. I understand that I can't just leisurely go through my days and weeks like this; I probably will get bored at some point, after all the thank-you notes have been written, and the apartment has been thoroughly organized. So yeah. I'll be ok. I kinda wish that I could apply for the teacher job at the new Christian school down the parkway... but with Seminary coming soon, it wouldn't work, and I'd have to break contract (assuming I got the job to begin with). I understand that breaking contract for a non-liscenced teacher is not as bad as if I did it with a certification, but still -- I would forever carry that around for future job interviews. Substituting should be interesting nonetheless, and I won't have the added responsibilities of grading papers or conducting teacher-parent conferences. I had a bad dream about it (substitute teaching) last night, but I recognize that it was a result of my nervousness. Even after a restless sleep, I still manage to feel better about the whole thing this morning. Thank you, Lord, for the fresh outlook. Please help me to be proud of my job decision, and use me as your instrument to reach those who need you. Current Mood: content (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
1:18 pm	I don't want to work. Heh. Not that we really have that option, living here in Northern Va. I feel slightly embarrassed for not wanting to work. Around here, Ambition is prized like the Super Bowl trophy, and everyone is "Go! Go! Go!!" all the time. I just don't feel like that. I don't want to climb the corporate ladder, and I don't want to "be all I can be" for my employers. Does that make me a miserable, lazy individual? It certainly embarrasses me (though I'm not sure that it should yet). How many people do you know who like to be home during the day? Who like to go grocery shopping, and who like to take the afternoon to prepare a nice dinner? So many women in the media and in this area equate "homemaker" with a death sentence. I saw a show on TLC the other day that caters to "Today's Mom." It included several segments (one about how to remain sexy by taking pole-dancing aerobics classes, oy), but all of them had a similar focus. The aim of the show was to show You, Mom, How You Can Have Your Cake and Eat It Too! You don't have to dread your day of running after toddlers and changing diapers! That's what they make day care for! Of course you want to have 'adult contact' -- and after all, You Deserve It! So get out there and start your Career! Bleh. It went on and on about how being a stay-at-home mom can be limiting, and how a mixing a career with motherhood can be just what we as women need. Now, I'm not at the point of being a mommy yet, so I can't claim to fully understand. But the underlying idea here is the same as the Ambition 'pressures' of NoVa and a Womens-College Education: Rah, Women! Let's Get Out There and Show the World What We've Got! That's what society prizes. That's what my college prized (and I'm sure still does). So why don't I feel this pull? Why don't I want to be out there amongst the Go-Getters? Why don't I want to 'make a name for myself' and bring in the money?? Maybe because I like the beauty of waking up at 8am and leisurely munching Cheerios while I catch some morning news. Maybe because I like to go out during the daylight, to run our little errands or to buy our groceries, because its quieter and less hectic than weekend errand-running. Maybe I like cutting up fresh strawberries to compliment my lunch, and maybe I like to eat slowly, while I listen to praise music. I love having the afternoon open to maybe visit Sally (spiritual mentor) and spend time in prayer. I love being free to just read the Word and peer out the windows at the snow-laden trees. I like that I have time to think. I like that I have time to prepare dinner for Matt and I in time for us when he gets home. I like that I can tidy up our little apartment and make the bed and organize our bills. But most of all, I love that I can take my time through the day, and acknowledge God in everything. I love the peaceful contentment of driving around for errands, and being able to talk to God. I love that I can take in my surroundings and praise God for all of the blessings in my life. And I love that this allows me to be Matt's encourager when he comes home weary from a long, difficult day at work. In all of my unemployment, I have yet to be bored. There are always things to do, and people to visit and minister to. I don't want to go back to work. I really don't. I've decided to be a substitute teacher for several reasons. First, I have to have a job, simply because we can't afford for me not to. We need a dual income at this point in our lives together. Second, out of all the jobs that I could possibly do, teaching is the least offensive! I enjoy teaching. I love kids, and I love watching them learn. And third, I needed a job with a lot of flexibility, because Matt and I may be moving to Seminary in the fall. I couldn't take anything contracted (like a real teacher job), and I didn't want to do office work. So substitute teaching seems like the best thing to do. And, if I don't want to work a day, I don't have to. So that's nice. But I wish I were more excited about it. I try and rev myself up and find the parts of the job that will be rewarding. But I'm often overcome with nervousness about subbing difficult high schoolers, or having to 'teach' a lesson on something I don't agree with. My substitute handbook says that religion should be dealt with "directly and objectively," and that "Teachers shall not teach religion but shall teach about religion as it relates to other elements of human culture, and as it naturally appears in literature, social studies, the sciences, and the arts." Ugh. I'm not sure if I want to cry or yell, but I suppose that should be expected for public school. I want to stay at home, where I can be used to do God's work full-time. And by "at home," I don't mean shut up in the apartment, but available to visit Sally, or Beth and her new baby, or Mom -- all areas in which I grow, and help others to grow in Christ. But who knows. Maybe God will give me a mission as a Sub. I pray that He use this for His glory, and that my lack of enthusiasm be turned around to reveal my joy in Him. Current Mood: conflicted (4 Comments |Comment on this)